Some men have been know as notorious liers. Other tell “what lies” to get what they want. Many women have suffered dearly because they fell prey to these kinds of men.

Take Kirsty, a 34 year old lawyer, she was totally taken in by Ken who claimed he loved her dearly and would do anything for her – even marry her. After 3 years with Ken she is no closer to marriage then when they first started and she has found out Ken has several other girl friends and even 2 children. She finally ended the relationship as she could not tolerate the lying any more. Kirsty got off lightly because Jeanna nearly had her house repossessed simply because she was conned by one of New Yorks greatest con men. Her bank account was raided and it turned out he hasn’t been paying the mortgage he swore he was servicing.

Cheryl Cole (wife of footballer Ashley Cole) and Tony Terry (wife of another footballer John Terry) have been high profile women who are presently reeling from the lies and pretense of their husbands.

In a recent radio interview I discussed this issue of why men lie to women and why women belief them. Click on the link below to listen and let me know if you have been lied to and how you dealt with it.

If I am so wonderful why am I still single?

Christine is a funny and engaging character. She is also very talented too. After commenting on how wonderful and sweet she was she asked me a question which momentarily left me speechless:

“If I am as nice as everyone says I am why can’t I get a boyfriend. Why am I without love, still single and can’t find a Valentine?”

After reflecting soberly on her question I realize that this may be the unspoken question on many single women’s mind. In a radio show I did I addressed the questions head on and explained in full details why I think many women still remain single even though they are wonderful women.

If you’re without love listen to the clip by clicking on the link below.

Click here if you are without a Valentine and want to know exactly what to do to overcome this problem today. Get the man you want by going here.

This has been the hot topic of debates, discussion, arguments and casual conversations.

Women have confessed to me that they wish to know what men really want from women. In fact some women (and men) are convinced that most men don’t even know what they want.

Well actually all men do know what they want. They may not be able to articulate or write it but they instinctively know exactly what it is and would move mountains to secure it when they experience it in a woman. Even the shyest of men would emerge as a bold lion to secure this rare quality in a woman if she demonstrates it.

No I am not talking about long legs, sexy buttocks, big boobs, dreamy eyes, baby soft skin, youthfulness and long hair. Yes these would attract the attention of all men. Men would physically want these, but these are not what they NEED. A man’s interest will quickly dry up after having sex with the prettiest girl if she does not supply this most important ingredient.

This idea actually dawned on me some time ago when the famous inspirational Tony Robbins divorced his first wife. The fact that this man who promoted tools and techniques on how to make your relationship work divorced shocked his fans. He is reported to say that his didn’t feel like a man in his house. The world admired him and believed in him but in his house his wife seems to have made him feel like a boy.

That is it. That’s the essence of what all men need. Even the mighty Tony Robins, who has millions of people almost worshiping him, could not tolerate lack of admiration from his wife. He cracked from not getting his need supplied by someone who should be the primary supplier of it.

The greatest need of any man is not sex. Horny, pulsating and pelvic thrusting copulation will definitely supply his physical desire; however it can never keep him.

The greatest need of a man is to have someone believe in him. Believe in his skills, dreams, goals, intentions, ability to accomplish great things. A man needs someone who can believe in him when the world has given up on him – someone who believes in him even when he doubts himself.  Such a person would make a man move mountains; a man would move mountains get secure the heart of such a person.

The greatest need of a man is for someone who can admire, adore and believe in his ability to overcome any obstacle and win. If you can demonstrate that most men would do anything to get you; they would also do anything not to lose you. Start believing in men and you will attract them like bees to honey.

Find how you can do this today.

I think so. You can also tell when they are not ready to commit.

I remember distinctly feeling very awkward at 27 when my girl friend started talking about marriage and settling down. Somehow in my mind I knew I wasn’t emotionally, psychologically not to mention financially ready for marriage commitment. So I balked or should I say bolted. It wasn’t that I didn’t love her, deep in my guts I knew that it would be a major disaster for both of us.

Later in my thirties I realized that I need to get married and have children. I just couldn’t wait. It was some sort of driving force, that propelled me to find a suitable person to settle down with.

There have been a lot said and written about men and commitment. I profoundly believe and know that men are not commitment averse as some women seem to believe. In fact I believe that certain things tend to trigger that need to commit.

It could be maturity. It could be a serious event. A friend on mine who got a close shave with death through and accident wanted to marry the girl he spent the last 5 years with the next month. He realized how precious time and people are. It could be achieving financial and successful goals. It could even be the insistence of the woman that they shape up or ship out of the relationship if they continue to waste time. Some men realize how much a woman means to them after she leaves the relationship to pursue a relationship with another man.

Interestingly the story of Adam and Eve carries a great insight. The Bible story indicated that when Adam named all the created animals he realised that there was no creature that was similar or compatible to him. Somehow after this need and realisation kicked in God made a woman for him. On seeing her immediately he felt a great satisfaction that someone who is similar to him can share with him. In other words if a man do not come to the realization he needs someone to complement him, that guy would not easily commit.

How can you tell he is actually ready and serious without nagging him?

1. He begins to talk about a future with you and him. His conversation would have more “we” the “me or I.” He talks either about children and makes plans to buy or rent a house to accommodate more than one person.
2. He announces to any and everyone would care to listen that you are his woman. This is a step in committing to you as he now becomes accountable to other people, especially his friends and family.
3. He may begin to subtly ask you question around the issue trying to find out how you would respond if he pops the question.
4. He would ask you how you feel about the idea and may even directly propose.
5. Most men whose siblings and friends are married are more likely to commit
6. Men who are from traditional or religious background tend to be more likely to commit to a marriage and family.
7. Men who have become financially stable and own/rent a place tend to see themselves able to provide are more inclined to commit.

The good news is, unlike what many women believe, you do not have sit around and wait for a man to decide – you can definitely influence the process. You can get a man to start the process of commitment by doing several thinks. Click here now to find out how.

What are the things you should be looking for in a divine soul mate?

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I have often said that love is a double edged sword: it can lift to giddy heights of joy and satisfaction or it can plunge you to the depth of depression, despondency and despair. Getting the right person in your life can do the world of good for your spiritual growth and productivity in life. Getting the wrong person can cause your life to be a living hell.

Here are some questions you can use to make the right choice in a prospective soul mate or spouse.

1. Will this relationship help my spiritual life or would it interfere with it?
2. Will this relationship help me to be a better and more productive person in life or will it distract or stagnate me?
3. Do you think that the person has ulterior motive (sex, money, immigration stay etc) or are they genuinely interested in you as a human being?
4. Will he/she bring happiness to you and your home?
5. Does s/he have qualities that will make you happy?
6. Can you find joy and peace in the love and affection of this person?
7. Would you like this person to be the parent of your children?
8. Would you like to become like this person?
9. What is the past record (success and failures) of this person’s life?
10. Does he/she know how to manage money or a budget or will they squander hard earned money on clothes, beauty, drink, gambling, drugs etc?
11. How is the person spending habit?
12. Would you be allowed to still retain your individuality and personality or would you have to surrender to the will and whims of him or her?
13. How does this person treat other people?
14. Is this person a safe person to be with?
15. What are people saying about him/her?
16. How does this person treat his/her parents?
17. Is he/she available (emotionally and in reality – are they married or have someone else in the wings)?
18. Is he or she trustworthy?
19. Do they have relationship skills – can they actually fulfil your love and emotional needs? If not are they willing to learn?
20. How do they feel about your religion and spirituality?
21. Can they person provide for you or take care of a home?
22. What kind of values does this person have?
23. What are the person’s spiritual, financial and family life goals?
24. What is the Spirit telling you?
25. What is your gut feelings (intuition) telling you?

“It is from the marriage hour that many men and women date their success or failure in this life, and their hopes of the future life.” Ellen White

31 year old successful, award winning Kubi Springer of Sisterhood  TV confesseson her blog that she gave up a relationship at 25 purely on the basis that she wanted to commit to her career. Seemingly she thought that career and relationship were mutually exclusive.

Like many single successful women Kubi now realise that it does not have to be so. Success does not have to come at the cost of “no relationship”. With maturity, a string of successes behind her and set to become a young media mogul she admits she could have done it differently.

“I realise that the 25 year old me was young and naive. I now know that I can multi-task in matters of the heart…I can do me at the same time as doing us!” Kubi says.

Funnily enough Kubi still buys into the paradigm that people (men) who are rigidly focus career and success are not ready to commit. This is where I disagree.

I wonder if she asked her then boyfriend to support her dream. I wonder if he had said yes, he would do all he can to help her, if she would have agreed to continue the relationship or if she felt she had to do it all on her own?

I think the Kubi’s generation are the result of a mindset that education/career and love can’t be mixed. Many mothers drilled their girl children to focus on education and jobs before thinking about men and family. This mentally has created a crop of highly educated and successful women who I call the “waiting to exhale” generation. Women who are now looking for relationships but find it hard to find equally successful and compatible men.

I think that people can have their relations/career cake and eat it. My friend Dr Jaquie Halliday-bell who took on the demanding task of becoming a doctor and still nurture a relationship with a man who was willing to support her dreams is a great example. Today she is a top consultant in Birmingham with a husband and 3 children. She is a testament that people can “multi-task in matters of the heart”.

I do not believe that men who are focused on their dreams are also commitment phobic. I think that these men will happily commit to a relationship that supports and complements their goals – it’s stupid to do otherwise. There is something about a team of two committed people that is far superior to the sum of the parts. Barrack and Michelle Obama are living proof of this.

Yes there are some people who feel they must pursue their dreams alone, without romantic distractions. However there are many who would love to have the support and help of loving spouse or partner as they pursue their dreams at the end of the rainbow.

Does your relationship have any of them?

1. In strong relationships couples spend a lot of time together.
   1. People, who have a happy robust relationship, love to spend time with each other. They have fun just being together and doing things together. In fact if you remember the early days when you were in the first flush of relationship you hardly wanted to be apart. You would spend hours together which would feel like minutes. Your telephone bill would be sky high because of the time you dedicated to speaking to each other in the night. Willard Harley says that you need at least 15 hours a week maintain a strong healthy relationship.
      

      Save your marriage today

   2. Make each other feel good. These are the people that love guru John Gottman calls validators. They listen to each other, validate each other and pick the fights they want to get involve with.
      1. “When couples whose marriages are stable over time talk about an area of contention or disagreement, their discussions have five times as many positive comments or expressions as negative. In couples who eventually headed to divorce, ratio of positive-to-negative was 0.8 to 1,” says psychologist John Gottman, PhD,
      2. Laughter and humour
         1. One of the great things I love about my wife Kimone is that even if we have a massive blow out, if I can just get her to crack a smile then the tension between us will melt. Relationships where you can laugh even in the mist of tension tend to be happier and last longer. Laughter indeed is a romantic medicine and tonic.

“When the masters of marriage are talking about something important, they may be arguing, but they are also laughing and teasing and there are signs of affection because they have made emotional connections,” John Gottman.

1. A sensitive conscience. This is being sensitive to the feeling of the other person. Willard Harley who has counselled thousand of couples say that everything you do affects your partner even if he/she doesn’t know about it. Happy couples avoid hurting each other and promptly try to makeup if they do.
2. Happy couples are in tune with each other to the point that sometimes they can finish each other’s sentences. They can sense what something is wrong or not right with the other person even without him/her verbalizing it.
3. You clearly state your feelings. You say what makes you happy and you clearly indicate what angers, upsets, worries you and indicate what your partner can do to improve the situation. No mind reading games.
4. Maintain individuality. Happy couples have a lot of fun together, they are in tune with each other but they still have their own individuality. They are not enmeshed. They have their own life, friends and even interests.
5. Support each other’s interest even if they are different. Happy couples build, support and help the other person achieve goals, hopes, dreams and aspiration.
6. In strong healthy relationship the couples enjoy sex. It is not a forced chore but a happy engaging and fun activity.
7. Name calling. These couples make up interesting and fun romantic names to call each other. They do avoid calling each other derogatory names even when agree or upset.

Do you want to have a happy robust relationship? Let us help you now.

Remember the first time you went out on a date with someone you like, admire, had a crush on. You may have experience some or all of the following problems

• Not sure what to talk about
• Starting conversation and drying up
• Trying too hard to impress

Here are some first date questions you can use to make your date a successful one

1. To start off tell your date about your journey and ask you how easy was it for them to get to the venue.
2. Ask them if they are nervous and admit your nervousness and feelings. This will help to relax both of you.
3. Family – share a titbit about your brothers and sister. “My sister Mary use to always tease me and call me names … how about you how many sisters and brothers do you have? Which is your favourite and why?” Don’t ask about parents as they may be dead and you don’t want to evoke bad memories on a date.
4. 4. History…. “One of my favourite memories is riding on horse when I was 10…. what do you remember most about your childhood?”
5. Best thing that ever happened to them or greatest accomplishment
6. What’s your best or worst job?  Or What do you do with most of your time…..(avoid asking what the person does for a living because can you may be seen as a gold digger)
7. Hobbies…. “I thoroughly enjoying… what do you like doing in your spare time?”
8. Goals and ambitions – “One day I hope to ——-, what do you wish, hope, want to become?”
9. Ask about favourite types of movies or music, last movie they saw and opinion of it along with current new and entertainment topics (Britain got talent, x-factor etc)……….
10. What’s the most mischievous or naughtiest thing you have ever done? Fun side of the person.
11. Do you play or follow Sports?
12. Tell your favourite animal and ask if they are fond of animal and which one.
13. Talk about your favour dish and ask “What is the one type of food you can never give up?”
14. Travel … where have they been; where would they like to go;  travel plans for the future; dream holiday, worst/best holiday experience.
15. Case history opinion e.g. “My friend and I were arguing that men and women can never be friends – what you think about that?”  or “My sisters ex-boyfriend wants to go out with her best friend, do you think she should?”
16. If you could choose 5 things to describe yourself what would they be?
17. School days – best subject, favourite teacher, worst experience
18. Tell a story of the a winner of the jack pot lottery who went back to her job and ask how their life would change if they got a million through lottery or inheritance?
19. Observe and comment on something happening around you and ask the person’s opinion of it?
20. Remember to never allow the date to go for more than an hour. Tell your date how good it was to go out with them and explain you will like to repeat the experience.