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15 ways to tell a guy you love him without scaring him off

Should you tell a guy your true feelings for him? Well, this can be dangerous if there is no established rapport between you; even then it may not work in your best interest. Here are some risk free ways to indicate your interest in someone without dragging your integrity in the dust.

1. Smile at him often

2. Compliment him about the way he looks, dresses, work etc.

3. Play fight with him e.g. Jokingly punch or play a boxing match

4. Help him with some work, project or event he is planning.

5. Listen to him.

6. Challenge him to become a better person.

7. Do not take crap from him. Confront him if he embarrass, belittles or hurt you or other people. He will admire you for standing up to him.

9. Believe in him even when he doubts himself.

10. Be there for him if he is going through a bad batch or rough times.

11. Give him space, don’t crowd him too much.

12. Don’t overwhelm him. Give him a chance to miss you.

13. Make it OK for him to leave if he wants to.

14. If he wants you to, go with him to places like football or fishing.

15. Talk favourably about him to others especially his friends.

202 thoughts on “15 ways to tell a guy you love him without scaring him off”

  1. Hi Jaylo
    UNfortunately I have to inform you that you can’t really make someone like you. You can be nice to him, you can also set up situations that can activate a man’s interest however sometimes you just may not be the type he is interested in.
    H

  2. Hi Jaylo
    UNfortunately I have to inform you that you can’t really make someone like you. You can be nice to him, you can also set up situations that can activate a man’s interest however sometimes you just may not be the type he is interested in.
    Hilton

  3. There is this one guy I like who goes to my church he has been there for about two and a half months but I really like him but whenever I talk to him it gets really warm in th area and he always looks like he wants to say something to me but he acts shy. I am a very shy person and I have Experience in Telling a guy but when ever I told them they would laugh at me and one time he told the Whole class I liked him! What I’m trying to say is that I’m afraid of scarring him away like the other two guys did .how can I tell him I like him? Help me Please!?

  4. Hi Maddison

    Your feelings can confuse you. He probably already know that you like him as people can pick up signs. I would just pray about it for now, talk to him as a friend, invite to group events and be generally nice to him. When he is comfortable enough it will happen
    H

  5. I like this guy, but there is no way i can tell him i love him because he doesn’t live near me, and I don’t know how to contact him. I’m worried that if I did contact him, he wouldn’t like me. I’m very worried about, and I need some help.

  6. Onnolee,

    You need to assess your own self worth and what you can bring to a relationship. If you are more confident about yourself people will be more accepting of you
    H

  7. Okay so its been hard because i cant get this kid out of my mind. My best friend likes or use to like him and hes coming to me to help him get her away. So now i have a huge crush on him. How do i tell him but not give it all away? I want a chance with him but we are best friends and i don’t want to scare him away or brake are friend ship What do I do please help me?

  8. Brittany,

    So you have a crush on a kid? In that case you need to be very careful and not get carried away. Do what you know to be the right and moral thing to do as feelings (crushes and infatuation) tend to get people in deep trouble
    Hilton

  9. i need help!!!!!! i like this boy and everyone says we r prefect for each other.mme aand him sit together everyday on the bus and one time he came to my house. i want to put a note in his locker but we have to many classes together so i will be innbarist and so i cant tell him face to face or i will faint, HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. Hilton,

    I don’t usually do this but I really needed an outside perspective. I met this guy at work 2 years ago and he was completely crazy about me, I could tell. I was extremely attracted to him too, but I like to play hard to get and he had a girlfriend. Also, I liked someone at the time so I wasn’t really in to him. He broke up with his gf of two years and started to be around me all the time. It was crazy, we’d smile all the time around each other, everyone around us knew something was up. But again, when he tried to get to know me, and if I date, I was like I don’t date and don’t do the boyfriend thing. But it got really serious. So I realized I fell for him, hard. His gf(that he brought back) would piss me off and I’d take it out on him. I’ve never been the jealous type but she really gets to me. But, after a long, emotional, and crazy intense 2 years I ended up telling him I like him. I walked out too fast and never looked back. He didn’t say ANYTHING after that. We worked together for a while but never did he approach me. We both quit and left on the same day. Now, I don’t have fb, but he does so I know what’s up with him. But the thing is, its been 5 months since I left my job and honestly there hasn’t been one day where I haven’t thought of him. I feel like I should contact him and ask him if he feels anything at all, bc I need to know to move on. This really sucks. And he never contacts me, I know he has my number. Oh, he was my manager but we were the same age. We’re both 20 btw. I wanna contact him but I already approached him once and my self-respect is getting injured. But I also know life is too short for me to wait around for his stupid self to say anything. He’s not a shy dude, but he is with me. Ugh that’s all I got, do you think I should contact him? Clearly this is getting to me, I used to be such a crazy person, and a huge flirt. But I’m like a huge 360 now. I hate his guts for doing this to me.

  11. Hi Diana,
    It seems as if you are infatuated with this guy. To get a better perspective ask yourself a couple of questions

    Is he husband material? Do you see a long term future with him? or is this just a fleeting attraction?
    Would he make a good father for your children
    Is he capable to making making you happy? Does he have relationship skills?
    Would he be able to help you become a better person?
    Can you contribute to his development?

    If you can honestly answer yes to these questions I don’t see a problem in contacting him in a casual way just as a friend. See how he responds to that then take it from there. If you are not positive about the answers then maybe you should let it go!

    H

  12. Emma,
    I take it that you are friends with each other since you share many classes and bus travel together. If you are not friends it will be good to development a good friendship with him first before trying to publicly break the news that you like him. Good friendship is an important element of a good relationship
    H

  13. Theres this guy i really really like but he is really shy and so am i. So niether of is will speak up and i get to spend no time with him anyway. I dont no what to do because hes everything i like and i wont him to like me too. What do i do?

  14. Hi Kathie,

    There lots of things you can do: Firstly rather than trying to win him directly engaging in fun activities and interesting conversation. If you like tennis invite him along, if he doesn’t play then offer to teach him. Similarly find out what he is good at and ask him to teach or help you in that area.

    If you are serious about getting him as the love of you life contact me directly and lets get going

    H

  15. Hi ok so let me apologize in advance for the lengthy question *clears throat* lets begin. Ok I’m 20 and I never had a boyfriend, it never bothered me before, i often think that its because guys deserve better than me since I’m not very experienced. but recently I’ve been thinking about this guy a lot but the problem is, every time i like someone the end up liking my friends or going for my relatives and it sucks , anyhoo the guy i like , i knew him from school but we didnt talk much until we started university and now we chat almost everyday of fb if that counts for anything lol and he’s really nice omg and his abs like wow hehe the problem is, i dont know how to flirt and i think he likes my friend but my friend isnt interested in him sigh i’m not sure if to risk telling him how i feel or just leave everything how it is cause he was really shy but he’s finally starting to open up to me . I’m not a shy person, I’m very outspoken, but when it comes to the opposite i’m like a fish out of water, i avoid eye contact at all times and get all confused and wobbly lol i’m not that bad looking, but getting a guy to notice me seems to be the hardest thing ever. HELP!!! should i tell him or not? and if yes what do i say ? i’ve had a lot of daddy issues and trust issues so liking a guy and telling him would be a really big deal for me because of fear of rejection, my heart my collapse literally with all the disappointments in my life . sigh i’m a mess. this is the first time i’m opening up about feelings, i need some advice but cant tell my friends or family cause they’ll think its soooo weird that i’m liking a guy lol so please help this extremely emotionally unstable girl . any advice? please?

  16. I have this guy whom we met in one of the social network, we never met before in person, i think i am real into him cozy i never stop stalking his profile but the problem is i don’t know if likes me too, cozy he rarely comes online and he has very short answers, i don’t know wat to do anymore

  17. Hi Rhona,

    Must say that you seem may to be in love with a profile – which may be not the real person. Short answers may indicate that he is not ready to open himself up totally so I would be very carefull about getting carried away with just the profile.

    Continue speaking to him when you can and try to ask open ended questions that can lead to a discussion.

    Feel free to email me help@hiltonsamuel.com if you want more specific help with this

    Hilton

  18. Hi S.G,

    I completely understand how you feel. I will try to keep this short as I am busy right now.

    If you like him the way you explained chances are he already knows or have picked this up through your attitude and non-verbal actions. If he is opening up to you he trusts you and that is a very good sign. If you have a good rapport with him you may want to start by giving him general and specific compliments and showing appreciation for anything he does for you. Also ask him to help you in getting things done. These will start a process of helping him to see that you admire him.

    Hope that helps. For specific and detailed help contact me on help{at}hiltonsamuel.com – remember to replace {at} with @

    Talk soon
    Hilton

  19. Dear Hilton,
    Ok so theres this guy i really like and he stares at me all the time. And so i wrote him a note saying i really liked him and all. But my friend gave him the note and she said he looked really scared. But ever since i wrote him the note he has been really clingy. He’s always by my side in the hall but he won’t talk to me. Where both really shy and i don’t want to scare him off. What do i do?

  20. Hi Kathy,

    Unfortunately it seems as though this guy doesn’t fully understand how to relate to women, which means you will have to train or gently teach him. This can be off-putting to women. The first thing to do is to start treating him like a good friend and mark out clear schedules when you related to him. Maybe every other day at first but it will help you get some space and give him some borders. Then find some activity that you can both do together. The activity will help him to open up without feeling shy or vulnerable.

    Hope that helps

  21. Dear Hilton,

    just very breefly, in a few sentences.
    I’m 20, he’s 34. I’ve been in love with him for 5 years now. He’s my best friend’s (28) brother-in-law and has never had a gf (as we know).
    We meet 1-3 times a year at common family feasts but last year we were in the mountains for a week (his brother, his wife (my BF), their baby, he and me). Everything worked. I prepared his coffee, he held the door when I came in. I took care of the baby for a few ours, he helpd me to dress him. We functioned as 2 couples.
    This summer we are going into the mountains again. And he is coming, too. The thing is, I think the only thing that stands between us is my weight and my low self-esteem. And the risk of feeling embarassing even infront of my BF if I tell this guy I love him. Actually, that’s the question: should I? Or should I wait for him to act? Will he ever if he is that shy?

    Thank you for your answer 🙂

  22. I am 15 (nearly 16) & theres this guy who I couldnt live without. A mutual friend told me months ago that this guy likes me, but now apparantly he doesnt like me as much. He flirts with me, but is also a bit shy. I want to ask him out but I am worried the fact that I am fat (12 st 9lb) will put him off. Should I ask him out?

  23. Hi Melissa,

    While your weight might be an issue to you maybe he doesn’t mind it especially if he is flirting with you.

    Your weight will become a stumbling block if you are uncomfortable with it. Other people will sense this and react accordingly.

    I suggest that you accept your body and do the best to be fit. Men like women of all shapes and sizes.

    If I were you I will not ask him out on a one-to-one date. I will ask him to help with different things and shower lots of thanks and appreciation whenever he does. Evnetually he will realize that you like his company.

    Hilton

  24. HI Mel,

    I am not sure I understand. Are you saying that you have a boyfriend but love another guy who is 34 and comes on mountain trips with friends and family?

    H

  25. Dear Hilton,
    First, i would like to appreciate the way you give advise to those who ask for your help.

    I am 25 years old now. I’m working in the office. Since High school i love only 1 man.,.but it’s hard for me to tell him because before i am a working student of his parents. I am bound of what shall be the reaction of the people around me if ever they will know this. I am not sure also if this is love or it is already my habit to love this person that i cannot see anyone other than him.
    Actually, i texted him everything that i feel for him but he told me that i don’t know how to answer because i don’t know you. But i am afraid of his reaction if ever he will know my name. I spent almost 12 years in dreaming of him, i wanna be out of this. Please help me. I don’t know on what to do.

  26. Hi Anonymous,
    You don’t know how to directly reveal your love to someone you love because you are afraid he may reject you and that the people around him may not approve of you.

    Well you have started by arousing his curiosity with the text you sent. He is definitely wondering who this mystery admirer is.

    Are you in any type of contact with him? Do you have to interact with him in your job? Or is he someone who is part of the family that you work for but do not interact with?

    This information will help in deciding how best to approach the situation.

    In the meantime why not look at this presentation on Capture a man’s Heart and Make Him Love You Forever

  27. Dear Hilton,

    You are right of what i felt, about the people around me and his reaction. Last week, i tried to text him again but he is not having response maybe because he told me before that he is not fund of replying for those persons that he didn’t know. I face my fear and i texted him that i want to tell him my name. I called him twice but he didn’t answer. I felt having peace of mind that at least I do my best in telling him even he didn’t answer, I decided to forget him but until now I’m still thinking and dreaming of him. I don’t know on how to move on with this. We meet each at least 3 days every year, once he went home during Christmas vacation. I plan to change my routine during christmas break, I want to go in other places so I will not see him anymore. Is this the rightest thing to do? How could I know if this is right?

  28. Hey..I’m a 14-15 yr old and I am in love….do u think my age is good for all this I mean not sex or anything but only having an affair…BTW I’m a girl…

  29. I knew this guy for a while nd i want to ask him out but I dont think he feels the same way. He doesn’t know a lot about me but I know a lot about him. And we are really close friends and I don’t wanna ruin that anyway.. he seams like he likes me sometime. Other time I’m just invisible.. I dont know what I should don..

  30. Hi Mehak
    I realize that many young people are forming realationship younger and younger, however intensed romamtic relationship can be very distracting and hurtful when they go wrong. There is nothing wrong in having great male friends however I would recommend that you wait until later to form more intimate relationships.

    H

  31. Hi,
    I have been dating this person for four months we first stated off by emailing each other and then he asked If i was ready to talk on the phone with him. We both felt like we known each other for years and we felt like everything was so right, we thought about each other at the same time. When we finally met in person it was amazing and felt so perfect and we were comfortable with each other and the second date he asked me to be his lady so we’ve been dating for four month’s. He travels a lot for his job and i understand. But now he just found out that his job will be relocating him to another state and this may take place in a year if not sooner…I have fallen in love with him but I have not told him. He is someone I want to share my life with and always be there for him. What do I do and how can I tell him. We are both 50 and we both were looking for a serious relationship when we meet. Help me!!!!

  32. Hy. I met dis guy nd he told me he love, nd I love him too bt I hvnt tell him yet coz I dnt knw wht to say I dnt wnt to say I love u too I wnt to say it romantically or using some nice words please help

  33. Hi me,

    Unfortunately sometimes when we so caught in making the right impression it can go all wrong. I would recommend that you check out this very helpful program that will show you how to capture his heart

    Talk soon
    H

  34. Hi Cyn,

    There are 2 ways I can give you some quick help, first is through my coaching program (if you would like this email me – help[at]hiltonsamuel.com – remmember to replace the square brackets with @) and/or you can check out this fantastic program that teaches how to capture a mans heart

    Hilton

  35. hi, i really like this boy, im in yr7 & he’s in yr8, and ive told him i like him and we talk every once in a while, but i want to get closer to him! any suggestions to what i shud do? plz x

  36. Hi Hilton,

    I’m 14 years old and I’m very shy and in love with my crush I just recently found out that I was his first kiss when we were 5 and he never forgot about it. I keep getting mixed up about him especially since me and him are both so shy. What should I do to tell him my feelings even when we hardly talk

  37. When i lived in australia for 8 month i had this friend. I could talk woth him about everything. And then i had a boyfriend. After we broke up i flew back to germany and while i was on the plane he told me that he loves me. I didn’t know if i felt the same or if it just felt good to have someone who cares about me. And i didn’t wanted to use him to get over my ex. Then we talked everyday and everynight. Just those senseless conversations that no one other then us could understand. And with the time he was the only one i could think about. Now he is about to move on. And i love him. I have no idea how to tell him. And even if i would tell him there are 16.000km distance between us and the next time i see him could be in 2 years. I just don’t know if i should tell him or not.

  38. ok hi i like this boy and he’s in my ged class and we meet like once a week .i mean i didnt think that i would like him it just happened he’s. so cute and all well after a few months i finally told him by writing a letter to him and now he knows how i feel but i mean he didnt say anything he looks at me but is not showing any signs that he knows i told him because i tought that he felt the same way cause he looks at when he thinks i dont look now am confused as to what to do cause he’s. sending me some mixed messages like he smiles and looks and try to get my attention cause am ignoring him but now its killing me please help do i ask him how he feels or just let it go cause i really like him ?

  39. Okay, so I like this guy…I see him at school…in the morning, in lunch, and I also have a class with him… I really like this guy…but I don’t know if he likes me back. I was planning on telling him through facebook…
    I need help…

    p.s,
    He has a twin…

  40. Hi Hannah,

    One of the best ways to show interest in someone is to find things about them you can praise and compliment them about. Try to find things you admire and tell him what you appreciate about him. Eventually you will not even have to tell him you love him directly he will become attached to your admiration and appreciation.

    Hilton

  41. HI Gina,

    What do you mean “move on?” Is he starting to see someone else? If so you need to act quickly and let him know that you “although you have not said it you use to fancy him.” If he asks what about now just say that you din’t think he would be interested especially you are so far away.

    Hilton

  42. Hi Nelly,

    Facebook is not the best medium to do such a thing. Secondly be certain you are talking to the right person and not the twin. If you are not sure he has feelings for you its it best to develop a good friendship with him before you break the news.

    Hilton

  43. Hi hilton

    Im 16 and i have known this boy for 3 years, and hes told me he loves me and he texts me everyday to assure me that i know he loves me,everynight he comes into my head and i think i love him? I just dont know how to go about it and im really confused?, can you help me at all?

  44. Hi Hilton,

    Firstly it’s really sweet of you to imbibe some wise thoughts to every one. So,cheerios on that!
    Well, I apologize but this would be a li’l long because the situation has two sides to it. The good and the ugly.
    I am a college freshmen and I like this guy,with whom I share few common classes. Let’s name him Ryan. We both became good friends from the start of college and few months later I realized that I have started to like him as more than a friend. I could totally tell that he loves spending time with me because he has asked me to accompany him to a concert,went out for dinner a few times and he has taken me for long walks even at absurd timings like 4am while we are working on a homework. We have had really good talks and we have also spent 6-7 hours together twice during a break. He readily agreed to be my date for a ball party on my birthday and he did really sweet romantic things for me on my b’day night. He caught my hand when he realized it was cold and that I was shivering. He was also willing to carry my shoes,without me having to tell him anything, because he knew they were hurting my feet since I ordered a wrong size.
    However, he’s a little weird when we’re out of sight though. He’s not so enthusiastic about me when it comes to texting/online chats. He’ll either reply after several hours/day later or not reply at all. Most of the times he’ll call me only when he needs help with some homework but at the same time he’s so different when we meet in person(as I described above).
    Now the worse turn to the story. One of my classmates asked me out on a date. I told this to Ryan while we were dining together. He asked me what I would tell him, so I told him,”Well,I think I would tell him the truth. I would tell him that I’m sorry, I don’t like you as more than a friend. I have feelings for someone else.”
    Booom!!! That was the biggest,dumbest mistake I ever made. I thought that my reply will get Ryan keen to know who I had feelings for and then I planned to tell him that it was him I was talking about. But,instead, he got all rude and weird to me. He pretended like he’s least bothered to know who I was referring it to and that was the first time when he left me alone in the library at midnight and he left for home. Things “sort” of normalized few days later but it was certainly not like before. My friends have been pushing me hard to tell him that I love him and they feel it’s the only way out. Infact, one of my guy friends even texted him 2 weeks ago saying that he thinks that I like him. He did not respond to that but he was good enough with me on a dorm party held the next day.
    Suddenly Ryan distanced himself from everyone for the past 2 weeks. He wouldn’t talk much to anyone and he looked sad. He prefers being alone more. However, I decided that I should tell him that I love him and so I texted him 4 days ago saying that I had to talk to him about something serious and I need to meet him in person. Two days ago, we got to spend some time together after the end of an exam. He asked me several times what was it that I had to tell him but I just kept him hanging on because I wanted to be mysterious. We got dinner together that night and I thought I should tell him how I feel about him. The weird part is, we spent 2 hours together and out of those 2 hours we spent only 1 hour talking. The other 1 hour was an awkward silence and he was busy with his phone and he kept asking me about “the talk” and I kept him hanging. Luckily, I somehow managed to get him open up to me and tell me why he’s being sad and distant. He told me that he was losing 5k$ because of a foolish decision he made. I tried comforting him and he felt okay that night but he went back to being the same the next day. Infact, he ignored me yesterday and I felt hurt. I felt like only I’m the one trying to initiate a talk. I really really like him and I know that probably me confessing my feelings is the only best way out but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea considering his sudden change of behavior. Also, the fact that he’s messed up right now compels me from not telling him. We always bump into each other after exams. That’s actually the only way how we get to spend some private time together. We have an exam this tuesday and I’m planning to tell him but I’m very nervous. Do you have any input on this?
    I again apologize for the length but just thought that you should know the details so you could provide some proper input. Thanks! 🙂

  45. Hi,
    I’m totally head over heals In love with guy but I don’t know if he likes me cause he flirts with other girls when he’s around me and stuff and looks at me but I just don’t no what to do someone help please

  46. HI Steph,

    Love can be confusing at your age. In fact it does mess with your mind and head. These feelings of romance, sometimes called infatuation, can also be disorienting.

    One of my mantras is to FEEL WITH YOUR HEART BUT ACT WITH YOUR HEAD

    Do not let your heart rule your head
    Hilton

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