move the relationship to marriage

Relationship killers: 3 things that may be silently killing your relationship

5 Silent killers of modern day relationships

I use to think that the things which destroy relationships are

  • Cheating
  • Sex
  • Money
  • Lack Communication

Indeed these will wreck, destroy and annihilate most relationships. They cannot be underestimated. However I have been noticing that many people are abandoning their relationships for other reasons than these. I call it the wood-lice effect.

When I was small we use to live in a wood house. The wood was painted both to preserve it from the elements and also for decorative purposes. One day I absentmindedly poked a pencil into to the wood. To my surprise the pencil went through the paint as if it was a piece of paper. Upon further investigation there was no wood behind the paint. Tiny insects called wood lice were not only living in the wood but systematically eating the wood from the inside. What we thought was a solid wood panel was only a shell. My parents had to quickly get to work tearing the eaten parts off, treating the remaining wood and replacing the rest. We were prepared for hurricanes, floods and other major threats, but unbeknown to us these tiny insects were destroying our house from inside.

So too many people wake to realize that they no longer love each other, they have grown apart, and they don’t feel any romance, joy or excitement. Like the tiny insects there are tiny “love lice” insidiously destroying their love.

Things that slowly stifle the romantic air out of relationships

  1. Necessary evils of life
    1. Work.
      1. i.      There is no doubt about it we have to work. We need to pay our mortgage/bills, feed the family and hopefully some disposable income to get a holiday – if we can afford it. The problem with work is that it can literally take over our lives. We can become so consumed with getting ahead that unbeknown to us we sacrifice our relationship. Some women complain that they feel their spouses are married to the job.
      2. ii.      What can we do.  Become aware of what is happening. Decide to schedule specific time for your partner. Send text messages, call between breaks and most of all have date nights.
  2. Children
    1. i.      Children are wonderful to have. They are a joy to behold and they add a dimension to your life that can hardly be described in words. However once they come of the scene they literally take over. In fact a lot of relationships go pear shape from the arrival a screaming, or gurgling little one. The mother life or world is consumed but the demanding little tot who has no idea of time. Even they are older they want you to spend time with them, playing and fighting. It is very easy to lose sight that your partner has needs, emotions and interest too.
    2. Technology
      1. Phone (texting, talking), getting and responding to texts and calls while you are with your spouse
      2. Computers (surfing the net, facebook and other social networking site, responding to emails)
      3. Tv – soaps and reality shows eating up essential time

      3. Talking to and confiding in lots of other people

      1. Confiding with others
        1. Talking or complaining to friends and family about the things about your partner
        2. Talking to and confiding to members of the opposite gender about matters close to your heart
        3. Complimenting and chatting up other people especially if you are not doing with your partner


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