5 Ways to get men to approach you

When was the last time a man approached you? Do men regularly initiate conversation or flirt with you? If not then you have a serious romantic problem which can be fixed with 5 simple steps.

I remember Beverly, a former client of mine telling me that men seem to scared of her. She didn’t know how to get men to approach her.

“They don’t approach me,” she said with a distant look in her eyes.

“Quite frankly though, I think that a man who doesn’t have the guts to approach me isn’t of any worth. I like bold men,” she added. Actually I think she was trying to rationalize for the problem she was having.

In delving more into the issue I found that Beverly was quite aware that she has a rather serious countenance, something that can put people off, even though she was one of the sweetest girls I have met.

“But that’s the way God made me I can’t change that,” she said emphatically. As tactfully as I could I helped her to realize that there are indeed ways we can behave and actions we can take to improve, what I call, your “A.Q” (approachability quotient). Now Beverly is being regularly approached by all sorts of men. Here are 4 simple ways to improve your A.Q

  1. Wear a pleasant countenance
    1. Some people, like Beverly, claim they can’t change their countenance, but you indeed can. Your posture and facial expression are usually a reflection of the things that occupy our minds. Has anyone ever said to “you look worried/down/sad,” or “you are looking happy, your face is glowing.” This is because our facial and body muscles buying respond and react subconsciously to what we are dwelling on in our minds.
    2. If you find yourself absorbed by alot of worrying thoughts and pressure, your face and body will reflect it. Practice changing these thoughts and think of a funny event/movie/person. Reflect on times when you did something great which made you feel wonderful. If you practice these long enough you will find that without effort your face and features will look relaxed and inviting.
  2. Smile – you are never fully dressed until you smile
    1. A smile puts people at ease: it says that you are a friend and not a foe.
    2. A smile is inviting – gives men a cue that they will not be rejected; I will welcome a conversation with you.
  3. Treat everyone you meet with grace and kindness. This is not only a very attractive quality it also magnetize people (men) to you. The way you treat and respond to other people to a large extent determines if and how people (men) approach you. If you are brash and caustic to people who you think are not in your league, then other people and men in particular will think that you are not a nice person to approach and get to know. Even the way you treat down-and-outs (poor, beggars, homeless) count in how people view you. Without you realizing it people are always evaluating you and checking you out.
  4. Be available. This is a huge mistake I see girls making all the time.  They always go out in groups and packs.  While that is not a problem, they unconsciously stick only to the pack while they are out.  Women who travel in packs and groups are less likely to be approached. Men find it’s easier to approach a girl on her own than with a group of friends. If he is rejected then he won’t have to feel embarrassed in front of all her friends.
    1. If you go out with your friends always try to spend some time on your own, a man may just want such a moment to approach you.
  5. Talk to men. This does not mean you should make romantic advances on men, far from it. It means that as a general rule to you should be friendly to everyone you meet. Don’t be afraid to say “hi/hello/how are you?” to anyone and everyone. This may just be the excuse a shy guy is looking to chat with you. When you do this to everyone (men, women, children) men will see you as a friendly, nice and approachable person.

6 thoughts on “5 Ways to get men to approach you”

  1. i find it hard to smile and make a eye contact to a guy. this is just the problem i have. i will try to pratice it.

    or you can send more help to my e-mail.

  2. Instead of starting with guys why not start by smiling and making eye contact with children of elderly people and when you are comfortable then try doing it with guys

  3. Do you have any advice for a woman who is extremely strong and masculine? I have not had men looking to date or be with me in any way except as a friend. This is moderatly depressing to me- I find myself to be a sweet person, and good to know. I tend to be more masculine in personality, and I am attractive. Why are guys intimidated of me? I want a boy to go to prom with….:( NOt going to happen, I’m afraid.

  4. Hi Sarah,
    First of all you need to accept that there are men who would find you very attractive as you are. Also some men wouldn’t. It is the same with you. There are some men who are definitely not attracted to and some men who you fancy.
    There men who love strong women. Do not get all uptight about it. You need to realize that you have what it takes to contribute to a man’s life.
    Do not ever think that its impossible. Just open your mind and attitude to the idea that the man thats right for you is on his way into your life right now.


  5. dang sarah you sound like me in high school. hate to be the bearer of bad news but it doesn’t get better for the taller/ bigger/ masculine girls until you get older and can get out of the hs trap. forget the boys who might take you to prom and get prepared for the men who will love you. at my 10 year reunion guys told me they had crushes on me but i came off unapproachable to them (like the blog stated above, i didn’t smile much; those guys were dealing with some strange girls in hs anyways and i didnt want a boy/ young man whose taste in women was all over the place).

    needless to say, get ready for becoming the attractive young woman i am sure you are on your way to becoming. i dont have the most feminine mom and i wish i learned to run in heels before college. things you and every woman (no matter how masculine or feminine) should know how to do:

    *walk gracefully in at least 3 inch heels for at least 4 hours.
    *apply makeup (learn to contour, natural daytime and nightime looks, how to put on lashes by yourself).
    *go to an amazing hair stylist— let an artist show you in a different light and try to maintain it on your own if you cant afford toget your hair professionally done all the time ( I can only afford to get my hair done 3-4 times a year.)
    *know your body shape and what looks good on you (I am 5’11”,wear a size 12 shoe, and I am a size 16 plus– I am curvy and very glad I have an hour glass figure– meaning I can usually get away with wearing different styles but I am very aware I have a long torso, flabby arms, and chunky thighs— so I dress appropriately. It took me some time to find my style and it will come to you with age.)
    *accept compliments from people and smile. i am well into my 30s now and i didn’t believe the nice things people would say about my appearance for various reasons. confidence takes time and it takes a confident person to accept the flaws and the beautiful things people will say to you.

    get ready! follow my suggestions and be patient. hs is overrated and real life is so much better. its coming

  6. Sarah and Momo – Why the absolute ban on approaching men and asking them for dates? What is the big deal? You could meet your soulmate!

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