Are you making it too hard for single men?

I was having a chat last night with a long time friend of mine. As per usual I enquired about her single status and what she intends to do about it this year. And as usual she threw the entire responsibility on God.

“When God is ready He will send me the right person for me,” she said. This is despite the fact that she is not only well educated (masters degree) but she is a wonderful specimen of God’s handiwork – a good looking chick!

But this was not what actually got me thinking. She always try to wriggle out of it with these general and evasive statements. What got me pondering and ruminating on the seemingly perpetual single status of hers and (many other single women)  was something she said when I quizzed her more.

“Oh these single men don’t have any courage; no guts. They can’t handle strong single women like me,” she chimed almost triumphantly. She went on to point out that men today are not brave enough, and don’t seem to be able to past some invisible test of courage, leadership and strength she dishes out.

Well the entire conversation occupied my mind on my morning walk.

She is a teacher. What if all or most of her students constantly fail her exams? Are the children to be blamed, or would she have to look at the validity of the test?

Interestingly she doesn’t make a similar connection to the fact that all of the men are failing her romantic hidden curriculum.

While I agree that men need to show bravery, courage and leadership (qualities that are very attractive and necessary for women) is she making it too difficult for men to gain at least a C on her romantic scale?

Obviously you can’t make it too easy. That would be like giving an undomesticated cat stewed rat. The cat loves the fun of hunting, chasing, catching and teasing the rats. Similarly I think that women need to like the bird that wants to be caught. Easy enough that a man won’t think that it’s too much hard work (well nigh impossible) but also challenging enough to help him to rise to the challenge. He indeed needs to sweat a little.

Well Hilton, how exactly do you do this?

Here are a couple of ways

1. Always wear a pleasant and welcoming smile. Smiles help to let people know that you are friendly and approachable
2. Don’t be afraid to initiate conversations with others, by simply saying hello, hi, how are you etc. Sometimes other people just need a little encouragement to be able to speak to you.
3. If someone asks you out and you don’ want to go, polite indicate that you can’t make it but you will be going to tennis court on Sunday and he is free to come allow if he wants. (Of course you can substitute tennis for any other activity you regularly engage in)
5. Don’t be too predictable. Sometimes cancel at the last minute or if you have said no to something change your mind a couple days after and do what you said no to before
6. Be patient. Men are also humans who are still in the process of overcoming weaknesses and faults. While you shouldn’t reject them for their faults, still hold them responsible for improving while showing that you understand.

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