Does your boyfriend really love you? 12 ways to tell if he is just not into you

How can you tell if you boyfriend is really into you? Is he playing games, messing around, taking you for a ride or does he really genuinely love you?

Here are 12 ways to tell if your boyfriend really loves you or  is “just not into you”:

  1. He would warmly, admiringly and longingly look into your eyes, face and body from time to time.
  2. He would go out of his way to do little things to bring a smile on your face and make you feel happy (anything from sticking a note in your bag, buying a funny little toy or turning up on your door steps when you least expect him to).
  3. He would be always talking about you to his friends and family or anyone who would care to listen. Interestingly he would make you to be larger than life — Gods gift to the earth. These people will mention that they have heard about you when they meet you.
  4. He would want to introduce you and show you off to his friends, family and the whole world — you would be like his little trophy.
  5. He would always want to be with you or around you and hardly want to leave when its time for him to go.
  6. He hates it when people talk negatively about you and would defend you to the point of physically fighting to defend your reputation (hopefully it never comes to this. Don’t always depend on this as a proof of love).
  7. He avoids hurting you and if he unwittingly hurts you he apologises profusely and attempt never to let it happen again.
  8. Comments on how lucky he is to get a girl like you in his life.
  9. Compliments the way you look, the things you do and the skill/talents you display.
  10. Wants the best for you and encourages you to grow and develop so that you can become the best you can be.
  11. He is not afraid to challenge you when you are wrong or doing something that isn’t right.
  12. He calls, text, IM and want to meeting up with you as regularly as he can.

Ps. I just remember a couple more

  • He wants know (in direct and discreet ways) what you think about him, how he looks and what he does.
  • He seeks your advice and suggestions on things he is doing and decisions he wants to make.
  • He takes your advice/suggestions and implements them.
  • He is polite to your friends and respects your parents.


465 thoughts on “Does your boyfriend really love you? 12 ways to tell if he is just not into you”

  1. Hihilton
    i want to knw whether my boyfriendloves me truly
    at beginning of our relationahip he was honest try to make me happy always
    waited for me for hours but now he s changed he doesnot tezt me fst hewake up earlyn em too late i never saw his memessages wen i eoke up ewn a gud mng msg. after saying by me dat pls snd msg he s sending nw he is always. busy his way of talking show dat he s forced. to talj yo me
    nwdoesnt careabout but still i didnt cumplined to himcoz i cant wat should i do

  2. HI Deedra,
    Sometimes relationship get really sticky. When things like this happens and the person wants to work it it then there is real chance you can both make it together. You do need extra and external help. If you go to a church you can ask your pastor or priest to help or go to another professional. You can also book coaching sessions with me if you think that will help.


  3. I have been dating my boy friend for 3 years r anniversary is valintines day we started dating in 3 rd grade my friend set us up were now both in 6th grade and he’s really shy when my mother took us to the movies i leaned in nothing he just ate his popcorn when I put my hand on the arm rest nothing. His mom picks me up every morning to take us to school doesn’t hardley talk to me until we’re out of the car. When were out we mess around and ever since i tropes this one day he always give me a little push and says dont fall and we play this game called the poke and its like tag but all the time and when one of us goes on vacation or its a special event we get each other stuff i want to tell him how I feel but im to scared because he sensitive and shy and doesn’t like getting trouble gets good grades and his sisters tease him a lot i got him a shark tooth necklace and he wore it all the time cause he loved it but then his sisters teased him so he stopped wearing it and he gave me a key chain once and I still have it and use it and I want him to know i like so what do i do to let him no i like him with out embarrassing him

  4. My boyfriend is awesome most of the time, but when things are really important to me he lets me down. I know he thinks he loves me but, he refuses to go any where with me not because he’s embarrassed by me, but because he cant be bothered. I tell him its important to me, and he asks me why; my reasons aren’t good enough. I don’t know how to explain it to him properly to make him understand. Its not just random things like I want to go to the movies or anything. Its things like my brothers birthday that we get invited to and he refuses to come even though he knows my family’s important and I have told him its important to me that he comes.

  5. Hi Sarah,

    Many men are really very ignorant about the importance of loving thier partners in a way she wants to be loved.

    Based on what you have explained it seems as though he is doing rather this out of ignorance than spite or to hurt you. Here a 3 things you can do to improve the situation

    1. Avoid getting angry and upset about it as this only makes the issue worst and he will see you as a nag
    2. Try and provide some added motivation for him to go, other than just to please you. Let him get something out of the event too. For example if he did go to your brothers party was there something there that would have been of interest to him too?
    3. When he does do something that you want him to do reward him handsomely. Do something that makes him feel that it was worth his while to do it

    Have a great time

  6. I heve been with my boyfriend since march of 2011, we got pregnant really quick in our relationship ( 3 months) when we first got together he was very affectionate and complimented me a lot, told my I was his soul mate, lucky to have me etc. things have not been easy for us financially , we lives with his sister and recently had to move back in with my parents, lives on our own for a year and a half, so stress has always been present in our relationship. He even stopped wanting sex as much, but that turned out to be low t for him. He is great with the kiss ( I have a son from a previous marriage) but my man never talks to me about anything that is bothering him he has completely stopped complimenting me or saying anything sweet at all. I talk about getting married but he finds an excuse everytime, usually having to do with money. I am positive that he has not cheated on me as we are together all the time when he is not at work, but I am starting to feel as if he is unhappy being with me, but stays because of the kiss. I have told him that I like it when he compliments me or texts me loving things when he is at work, but he says I should know he loves me and thinks I’m beautiful so he shouldn’t have to reassure me. He has recently stopped talking to his family due to mistreatment of our relationship by them. They have some mental issues as well and I know he is hurt about the way they have treated us. We don’t have any friends and almost never go out for date nights. I cannot tell if he is bad at relationships, stressed or not in love with me. He isn’t secretive with his FB, phone and doesn’t go out without me, but I catch him checking other girls out more than he looks at me like that. What do you think?I love him so so much,but I feel I may be too needy in the reassurance department.

  7. Hi Sdmc…

    Sorry for the delay in responding to you. However I think that you should just maintain the friendship by supporting, encouraging and inspiring each other. This will lay a great foundation for a more stable relationship later. I don’t encourage serious dating relationship at this level of schooling


  8. Hi Lindsey,

    Even though you love each other, your relationship has lost its spark. Funnily enough you may want to meet your own needs for reassurance by getting female friends of your own, exercising to become fit (this can include some type of sports), developing some hobbies or even going out to work (if you are not working). Invite him to join you and if he doesn’t go ahead and do it by yourself. These will definitely boosts your self esteem and make you much more attractive. AFter some time you make be surprise that his interests pick up again.


  9. Lucky me (lol). I found someone who sparked me instantaneously, as I did him. But he told me his emotions were all messed up due to a motorcycle accident, and the subsequent stroke and coma. I have dealt with some harrowing times with this man, but remained understanding, and continued to care for him. But now, after over 2 years with this man, I have become a doormat to him. It is very frustrating, but I also feel sorry for him. He just doesn’t have the capacity for a deep emotional bond, but guess what? He doesn’t care.

  10. Hi Freebird,
    Being a doormat is no fun neither is it attractive. To become more attractive you need to begin doing things you love, relating to and helping other people (People who could appreciate your help), get your own friends and take up some hobby.
    You are not a saviour for this guy.

  11. Hey, I have been dating my boyfriend since October 10, 2013. We talk almost every night. Saturday we talked from ten-thirty until 2:00 am. He said that what he wanted for Christmas was for him to kiss me, and me to kiss back. He said that he would kiss me at the Church Fall Formal. He knows that I have never kissed anyone before. We are only 12, and I really think that I could be in love with him! But how do I tell if he really Loves me? He and I had liked each other for a while before he finally asked me out, even while he was dating my best-friend. He would tell her he loved her almost every day. But he told me that he just said it to make her happy, so does that mean he might really love me, and is just thinking about how to tell me, and how I might react. Also if he does say it, how would i know if he really meant it, or if its like it was with his ex? I really want to know!

  12. Hi Alex,
    Firstly at 12 years I would say that you should not get involved physically with boys, and certainly not with your best friend boyfriend or ex-boyfriend. That is bound to become very messy.

    However the bottom line is that you should forcuss on your school work and building friends of both gender at this point of your life. Stay clear of romantic relationship until you are older e.g 18 years or older

  13. Hey, My name is Jessica.
    I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 4 months now, we’ve been friends for 2 years now and just recently started dating. His my brother’s best friend kinda weird right.. But anyway, the first month my parents/family were moving to Victoria and I didn’t want to go cause I’m really into this guy and I love him a lot so his mum offered me to move in and stay with them for how long until I found out what I wanna do in life. I’m only 17 almost 18 and my boyfriend is 17 to. So
    the very first month he was sweet, caring, loving, friendly and just amazing in all different ways. Then he started moving away slowly and started drifting away. One day, I was cleaning his room and I found something sexy that girls wear when there about to have sex!! I then asked him whose it was? ” he then made up 3 excuses then finally told me it was his ex’s, I’m not sure but I still think my boyfriend still has feelings for her.
    Then a couple weeks after I told his sister (my best friend), what happened the very first week when we started dating I asked my boyfriend if he has ever cheated on anyone ” he said NO!”.. I believed him so one day me and my best friend ( his sister ) if he has ever cheated on anyone ” she said yes” .. So I started to get really worried and so I asked him if he would ever cheat on me and every time I asked he would get so angry and just ignore my question.
    What should I do ? I’m in love with him but I just don’t want to get hurt again. Does he love me or what? please help xox

  14. Hi Jessica,
    Although you love this guy, it appears that you cannot handle even the thought of cheating. If so you need to be clear in your head what you would do if that happens. Let him know how you feel about the issue. You do not need to pester him as this would only annoy him and push him away. Trust him, however if for any reason you find out that he cheats then act on what you said you would do. This will set some clear borders about what you will not tolerate in the relationship


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